Articles in Category: Poemeanderings

A collection of generally expletive and euphemism-filled rhymes and utterances.

Insomnia (The 2nd Movement)

Insomnia, it strikes again,
As I lie wide awake.
My brain spins round and thoughts abound
As daylight starts to break.

I toss and turn, I watch TV,
I drink some Ovaltine.
I count some sheep to get some sleep
But dreams remain unseen.

As dawn begins to rise its head,
I panic in dismay.
I need a hug (or endless drugs)
To make it through the day.

With no one here to hold my hand,
I start to pace around.
The bastard birds awake in herds,
Their tweeting starts to sound.

I start to twitch and something snaps;
I reach beneath my bed.
My patience done, I grab my gun;
I’ll shoot the fuckers dead!

As birdies fall down one by one
And shots rings through the sky,
The sirens scream and some SWAT team
Decides to pass on by.

Now standing in my boxer shorts,
A shotgun in my hands
And laser sights beam through the night;
I may have peed my pants.

Insomnia, it struck again
But now I’m feeling well.
I’ve been chastised, I’m tranquilised
And banged up in a cell.

And as I drift to sleepy land,
I can’t help shed a tear.
As Psycho Fred climbs in my bed
And nuzzles on my ear.

A New Years' Resolution

A New Year’s resolution: 
I’m giving up the booze!
It’s been a friend but now it ends;
I’ve got too much to lose. 

A New Year’s resolution: 
I’m giving up the fags!
The deathly wheeze of lung disease,
Suicidal drags.

A New Year’s resolution: 
I’m giving up the pies!
I cannot wait to be size 8;
Side-salad please, no fries. 

A New Year’s resolution: 
I’m giving up the drugs!
No more weed or poppy seeds;
Cocaine? That’s just for mugs. 

A New Year’s resolution: 
I’m giving up the sex!
I’ll stand my ground, not fuck around
And gain some self-respect. 

A New Year’s resolution: 
…oh shit, life seems so dull!
The lack of vice, there seems no spice;
I’m bored out of my skull!

A New Year’s resolution: 
I’m giving up pretence!
New Year begins, I’ll keep my sins,
So let the fun commence!

An Apology

If I caused you offence with my actions
If I uttered words that made you cry
If I mocked your beliefs or your passions
There’s no-one more sorry than I

If I laughed at your ungainly dancing
If I baulked at your miniature size
If I gave out your number to psychos
Believe I’ve now tears in my eyes

If I slandered your abhorrent singing
And the way that you “play" your guitar
It maybe my jealousy winning
I’m not such a huge superstar

If I scoffed at your stupid convictions
If I scorned your religious beliefs
If I claimed that your bible was fiction
With atonement, I’d like to make peace

If I derided your priesthood as paedos
If I ribbed your desire to touch kids
If I teased your deranged dark libidos
I imagine I got on your tits

If I jeered when you drank all that Stella
And disgraced you for beating your wife
I should have just offered to tell her
It’s all she deserved out of life

Forgive me for pointing and laughing
From now on, it’s live and let live
I hope you find peace everlasting
I hope you find time to forgive

If my apology sounds rather hollow
If my sorrow sounds somehow remiss
If my excuses sound too hard to swallow
Then it’s likely I’m taking the piss

All Works Copyright © 2017 Benedict Francis

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